How to break the “I’ll start Monday” habit
The short answer is, change your identity. If you’re interested in more than that, well, stick around.
In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear uses the example of two smokers that tries to quit. When offered a cigarette the one says, “No thanks, I’m trying to quit”, while the other one says, “No thanks, I’m not a smoker”. See the difference? The first one still identifies with being a smoker while the second one does not. By the way, if you’re interested in building identity-based habits, I can highly recommend his book.
So, how do you change your identity?
There’s no effort in being you. If you want to be different, change who you are.
1) “What you focus on the longest, becomes the strongest.” Les Brown
Do you focus on the cigarette that you can’t have, or do you focus on the health you’re gaining? Do you focus on the marshmallow that you can’t have or the healthy food you get to enjoy? It doesn’t start easy, but hang in there, the longer you focus on it, the stronger it will become and the stronger it is, the more it changes who you are.
2) “The most important thing about motivation is goal setting. You should always have a goal.” Francie Larrieu Smith.
Motivation will help you at the moment, but what will you hold onto if you wake up and “don’t feel like it”? Motivation is usually what drives us to want to do something in the first place, yet it doesn’t tend to stick around in the long haul. Remember SMART goals? I’m totally for it, but I want to add another letter and make it SMARTI. I, is for Identity. How can you make this goal part of who you are? If you are a fun, loving and caring person, rejecting your friend’s 30th birthday cake because of your “no sugar goal” will be a tough one, one that you would probably not be able to stick to.
3) “We are what we repeatedly do…” Aristotle
The more you do something, the more it becomes who you are. One of my favourite Youtuber’s Andrew Kirby showcases a graph that looks something like this.
View his video here.
It says, if you start doing something new now, you have a high memory of doing it, yet very low results. However, the longer you stick to doing it, the more automatic it becomes, meaning the less memory you have of performing the action, but the greater your results. So, the more you do something, the more it becomes who you are.
4) “It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” Eckhart Tolle
You are your identity. “If I finish all the cookies now, then there’s nothing to tempt me later.” But what if someone brings more cookies tomorrow? I’m all for changing your environment, but remember we are busy changing the person in the environment. How does the person you want to be live? What does that person see, feel, dream about, experience? The more you know about them, the better you know how to behave. I highly recommend daily meditation to direct your focus.
I made a rule for myself when it comes to creating new habits, never skip two consecutive days. Life happens and we slip up but get right back to it. Your diet doesn’t start on Monday, you live the lifestyle you decided to have. You’re not quitting smoking, you’re not a smoker anymore. The quicker you can get back after a slip-up, the less that slip-up will matter. Don’t give the slip-up power, focus on the bigger picture, your new identity.
A slip-up only means something if you entertain it.
5) “The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy
Rome wasn’t built in one day, right? Remember the memory, time and results graph in point 3 above? See the result as the surprising gift to come, but focus on your next step. Start small. You don’t expect a baby to speak in a week. You encourage him over and over to say “mama” or “dada”, cheering him on every time he says something new, even if it’s crooked. Why then do we expect ourselves to flip and be perfect in one day, hammer ourselves and wanting to start over every time we didn’t pronounce “mama” right?
Be kind to yourself and live for the lifestyle, not for the result.
6) “Men desire novelty to such an extent that those who are doing well wish for a change as much as those who are doing badly.” Niccolò Machiavelli
Oh, how we can be doing so well on the path to success, and then we get bored. It is like a TV series of two people that can’t see they belong together. You can barely wait for their first kiss. However, once that happened you get bored. Or, having a dream of something you want really bad. Once you have it you realise dreaming about it was actually better.
The solution – finding the sweet spot between dreaming and getting it. Your habit should be just above your comfort, easy enough to do yet challenges you to move forward.
the end of the rainbow should be something you’ll always try to acquire.
If you’re interested in how I keep track of my new habits, have a look at my blog post, using apps to manage my life.
